Thoughts on “Best Years”

Honestly, this movie was too serious and well-handled for me to consider snarking through. The only thing I noticed that was weird, but irrelevant, was that Homer’s ribbons weren’t right. He had all of the appropriate decorations, but his American Campaign Medal was placed before his Asiatic/Pacific Campaign Medal. Mary Quinn said that she had heard that filmmakers weren’t allowed to use 100% accurate military uniforms because in many cases the actors weren’t actual service members, or didn’t earn the same decorations as their characters, so they would find one very small detail to change or flip so the uniform was 99.99% right instead of 100%. I’m not sure whether that’s true, or is the reason for this particular switch, but it’s a cool trivia bit anyway.

Oh my darling Clementine

So first off, this movie is based on a screenplay, which is based on an account, which is based on a “biography.” This film is closer to Kevin Bacon than it is to Wyatt Earp. Secondly, clothes, really, why? Was the wardrobe team from ‘Gone with the Wind’ having a garage sale? Thirdly, what is Wyatt Earp doing running cattle on a cheap Chisholm Trail knockoff through Monument Valley? I was honestly expecting every trope in the book, but was surprised to find that there was no Hooker With a Heart of Gold, although that was probably because there weren’t any actual hookers, just a lounge singer in a bad stereotype they called a sombrero sticking her leg on a table once.

Glory, Hallelujah!

I did have a battle today, that wasn’t bull****. It was against the Southern secessionists. Now, I’m not Southern, I don’t plan on being Southern, so who gives a crap if they’re secessionist? They could be fascist anarchists for all I care, it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t own a horse.

Thoughts on Amistad

Just nitpicking, but Cinque certainly did seem to know an awful lot about celestial navigation. Enough to attack the Spaniards and turn the ship east in the middle of the night…

That was one snazzy dome on the Capitol there in 1839… and to think all those Civil War era photos had me thinking it wasn’t finished until AFTER 1865! Silly me!

Wait, so you mean that people of color are actually shown as intelligent, developed characters with un-stilted dialogue and actual opinions? Wow.

Again with the gun problems, but in the liberation of the slave fortress, one guy’s hammer didn’t even fall when he pulled the trigger. It makes me miss Last of the Mohicans (Pennsylvania long rifle, in fairly common use by 1730, btw!)

 

Snarking through “Last of the Mohicans”

So while I don’t actually use Twitter, I couldn’t help from fake tweeting during the movie

-”The French have no stomach to fight”… Except for those half dozen odd wars you’ve been fighting for the past 60 years or so…

-At least this time jumping through waterfalls got somebody’s gunpowder wet!

-Convenient Plot Device Canoes! Improbable Aiming Skills! What wonderful tropes!

-It’s not a period-inaccurate PDA if you go behind the earthworks

- Russell Means played Chingachgook in this movie, and voiced Powhatan in “Pocahontas”. That’s either a great resume or a damning indictment of the number of famous Native American actors

 

Movie Thoughts

So, this really had nothing to do with anything important in the movie, but I facepalmed when John Smith jumped through the waterfall with his gun ready to shoot Pocahontas. He’s using a matchlock gun (which at least was accurate to the time), but those work by dropping a piece of burning slow match into an open pan of gunpowder when you pull the trigger. Jumping through water might put out the match, and would definitely soak the powder, making it totally useless; he wouldn’t have been able to shoot anybody after that. Also, I’m sort of curious why, after Radcliffe shoots John Smith at the end, everybody is trying to get the gun away from him; single shot muskets are pretty safe after you take that one shot.